2 years and 3 months ago I packed my life and moved 800 miles. I didn’t take the time to even think through it fully, I just did it. I’m not spontaneous, I like plans. I had none. The only saving grace was I knew I could come back. I knew if my new ‘home’ didn’t feel right I could come ‘home’. I needed to do this for me. I needed to make it all alone, so I packed.
I don’t think I realized what was happening until Me, Bryce and my packed car crossed the Willamette River as we drove on I-5 through Portland. I remember looking out at the city on my right and the river below, I remember my Mom’s Garmin shouting out directions in the background and I distinctly remember thinking “No, wait. Turn around. I've changed my mind.” I didn’t say it though, I just sat there I couldn’t turn back now. We made it to my new place, an empty two bedroom apartment in the basement of a lovely house. The view from my deck was incredible, the rooms were gigantic, I wondered how I would fill all the space.
Shannon and Dan helped us move my stuff in and the first weekend felt like a vacation. Then, life started. I cried every night for a week. I wondered if this was really the best decision for me. I knew it was. I adjusted. I bought my first couches. I decorated.
I spent more time with Shannon and Dan then they probably liked, but they helped me adjust. I made friends. I lived alone for the first time. I loved it. I loved the space, the late night TV watching – the two episodes of Seinfeld before bed. I worked many late nights, early mornings and all day there. I threw parties, I started to cook. During the summer nights, Billy and I would sit on my porch and drink Coke. Shannon and Dan bought me an ice cream maker, we used it there. We played the piano there and Dan fixed my closet when it fell down from the weight of my clothes. My mom visited there. Deneal and the girls would meet there, get ready there and we’d sit for hours and talk and talk there. We had Easter dinner there. It became home. I had AC, many August afternoons were spent there. It was freezing and year round I worked wrapped in a blanket with a space heater at my feet. I got iced in and snowed in and sometimes it would rain so bad I would just stay in. I ran hills there, because that’s all that was around, I learned to love them. I decorated my first Christmas tree there and left it up for months because it was so pretty. It was my place, for two years it was my home.
Last week I packed my home. Along with getting married, Ben and I decided to move across the river to Washington, closer to his office. I am excited to marry Ben, to live in the cute house with him, I am excited for the change. But when it came time to pack my apartment, the only place I had ever lived in Oregon, I stalled. I couldn’t picture life outside of this place I didn’t know where to start packing and every time I thought of leaving my eyes would fill with tears. With Ben’s help I packed it. With Shannon, Dan, Tim, Deneal and Ben’s help we moved it. With Jody and Ben’s help we cleaned it. Last Friday I walked through it, everything was gone. It was spic and span, just how I found it. I turned it back to the owners. Before I left, I stood there all alone in the place that was once my home. A tear rolled down my cheek as I thought about the memories and the changes I had made there. It seems silly to be so attached to a place that was never really mine, but I will forever be grateful for the person I became there. I will miss my home, my late night TV bed watching, my empty fridge and taking up every closet in the house with my clothes, but it’s time to move on.
I’m glad I didn’t turn around when we originally crossed the Willamette, I am glad I stayed and made a life. Now we’re going back across the river, no Garmin needed. Plus, you’re going to love our new place. Life is changing people.
